I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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