When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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