While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
