Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
