I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
