she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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