I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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