Don't make out with my wife yet
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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