Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
