is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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