So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
