what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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