"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize