Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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