he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
