i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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