How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
