i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
