He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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