Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
