That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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