Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
