she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
