No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
