I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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