I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
