the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
where am i from again
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
