I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
