The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
