Where is the hickey?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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