last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
