but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
