don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
