I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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