Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
