Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
