just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
