he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize