You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Pappa wants mamma naked
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
