If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
