you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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