Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
