i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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