Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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