Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
