That's when you crack a 10am beer
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There's always time for handjobs
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
