I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
