I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
