i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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