Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
