it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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