You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
