yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
