I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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