oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
