just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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