So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
