Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
