Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
