i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
