2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
