Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
