Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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