Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
