when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
