i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
