We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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