What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
