i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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