I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
